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Push Nevahda
push@pushnevahda.com
www.pushnevahda.com

Past Postings

  • What is an Alpha Male (a discussion)
  • A Love Supreme ...
  • What is an Alpha Male (a discussion)

    Recently, I met up with friends at a local café to discuss the topic of what makes an alpha male.

    Willie: To the ladies, what are the qualities you look for most in alpha men? More important, what first impression when meeting turns your clock?

    Africa: It's horrible to get into "lists" of qualities but since you said 'first impressions,' I kind of like that better my brother. For me, a man who is able to converse on many topics with ease, but not be too overbearing in one's opinions, I like that. That means you have respect for others as well as yourself. A man that loves himself he is usually an enjoyable individual. Can he keep me smiling and Laughing? Life is already complicated at times. I love a man that simply loves me!

    Lolita: Amen, girl! All I want from a brother is for him to love me. I am not going to get into a list of qualities either because as of late I am thinking maybe I need to reduce my list of must-have-these-certain-qualities. All this woman wants from my man is to be loved and appreciated. It's just that simple. Oh! I just hope that he is an alpha brother, too, because I am an admitted handful and if there is such a thing as "keeping me in my place" then I need a brother who can do that.

    Willie: Why the qualifier of "got to be an alpha male"? Why not the love and appreciation only? People should know how to act in relationships and there should be no reason for me to have to put you back in line. Personally, I don't argue because I don't like to get angry. And to put someone back in line means they are doing something to piss the other person off and they know it. This is not right. My 5% angry is worse than most peoples 100% angry and I usually end up saying something I regret later that I can't take back. That is the main reason I do not argue. Most of the time I like to be happy without a lot of bullshit. I used to tell my wife shit all the time until I became a broken record and we argued all the time. So I just shut up and stop putting flames on the fire. Maybe you need to explain yourself better on this one. Matter if fact, what is your definition of an alpha male.

    Zachary: Some women like the alpha male ways. The ones I have known not only liked it, but it was almost like foreplay for them. I am an alpha male. I am a go getter, take charge, keeping things straight type of guy. Some women like that way of doing things when it comes to men. It doesn't always mean she is doing something wrong and needs to be corrected. Sometimes she is just in her own way trying to get your attention because for her, a man taking an authoritative role is a turn on. That's just my opinion. Most black men who have reached our position in life are go getters. I've been accused of being too direct many times and learned to tone things down. When I get going I'm like a train rolling down the hill. Now we are getting to lead-a-horse-to-water territory. A woman has to want to be lead by her man and not act like they are wearing the pants. How many women can really be submissive to their mates now-a-days? How many have role models to accomplish this task? I've been on both sides of the fence in the same relationship. Where I lead and where I'm more submissive. I'd much rather lead, but I listened to her ideas and went her way many times. As we all know when you get two strong people in the same room something has to give. Someone has to be the bigger person and let the other have their way. That's relationships. All I'm saying is why can't we be nice to each other. Been in too many relationships where someone is always starting shit just to spice thing up. That's why more and more people are choosing to remain single. To stay shit free.

    Push Nevahda: Well (Willie interrupts)

    Willie: All my life I have been the leader even with my friends who look up to me for advice and help in any and all situations. I have found resistant in my situations with women I've dealt with. I'm far from a control freak, but I have visions of the way things should be that is open for discussion as a couple. The problem is I love to spoil my woman and shower her with all I have, which is sometimes taken for granted. Anyone who knows me knows I take care of business.

    Lolita: You have no reason to defend yourself my dear friend. No one is attacking you. Ease up, relax, and breathe. You are right in your self-description, I do not feel you are a control freak either. Nor an alpha brother. And it's alright! (Laughing) It takes all types of people to make the world rotate, flip and whatever. I do feel at this age though we know what we want and what we need in our lives. I speak for myself, I know myself very well, flaws and all. Being a control freak is not something I am proud of. But it is something that has helped me to do a lot of things. It's just not something that I want to exert with my future man, at all, especially an alpha man. (She gives another condescending laugh.) That so will not do. So that is why I said I was in recovery from controlling everything. I am working on it.

    Willie: I guess you really have to learn more about me, Lolita. I am an alpha brother. Just because I'm nice does not mean I can't control the situation. There is tact in everything. I believe people have choices and they should make them according to the mate they are with. When two strong people get together there will be the butting of the heads. I know this as a fact. When I stop arguing is when you have to worry. That pretty much means I no longer give a fuck and this is a lost cause.

    Push Nevahda: Wow. It's not a good thing to have men arguing with women on the subject of manhood. What's wrong with this picture? I'm weary of anyone who puts qualifiers on manhood and masculinity. And, until she gets some balls, a dick, and some testosterone, I won't even listen to what a woman has to say on the issue. But, I'm always amazed at the various discussions that men allow themselves to be pulled into regarding the issue of manhood and masculinity. Sojourner said, 'Ain't I a woman?' Well, ain't I a man? There are simply too many geo/social/racial/cultural definitions of manhood and masculinity for anyone to have the monopoly on the meaning. And when one trumps the other you get chaos and disorder.

    For example, the reason why the whites enslaved the Native Americans was because of the cultural differences of masculinity: the whites didn't understand why the males hunted then sat around bonfires and smoked all day while the women did all the work. Most NA nations are very matriarchal and matrilineal. They called the men lazy and enslaved them. The same happened with the Irish, and, of course, the Africans. Cultural misunderstanding of manhood and masculinity clashed and conflicted. That's why I get weary of the argument. Willie has no business defending his manhood to Lolita - a woman - who has never been nor never will be a man. It's quite humiliating and shameful. And most of our concept of manhood and masculinity is a very European concept. Alpha actually refers to dominant animals. But it's easy to understand why black men have adopted the alpha image. Black men have always been imitating white men when it comes to manhood and masculinity. You never hear of black men even make slight mention to African models of maleness and masculinity; they are certainly there. In Alex Haley's Roots, Chicken Georges mother dismissed the possibility of marrying another slave because he didn't have Mandingo qualities like her father, Kunta Kinte. Instead, he had the characteristics of the European, wearing Victorian hand-me-downs with top-hat, gloves, and riding boots. But, for her, it was the remembrance of the strong, resilient, proud, African warrior that became the measuring apparatus of masculinity. Yet, brothas never think like that....because they listening to women. Lastly, the alpha concept is ridiculous because they are only the men that the women - like Lolita - demand that they be. It's the catcalls from the ringside that instigate and promote the game. And, in the end, it really means nothing. We are men because we are born as such.

    Thank you Lolita, Willie, Africa, and Zachary

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